A quick note before you read on: Enrollment for Return to You: a women's wisdom circle of self-discovery & love is now open; we've shifted the dates a bit - the Opening Circle is not on October 15th and the Closing Circle is on April 8th - b/c, well, life is moving quickly these days for everyone, including Kristina and me. If you'd like to learn more, click here or reply to this email with your questions & I'll be happy to answer them.

Last week I lost a beloved companion animal very unexpectedly - one moment she was purring on my bed; a short time later, she was gone. It was a shock to my central nervous system and a blow to my heart.

I was scheduled to teach the monthly Moving Meditation class a couple of hours later and was honestly relieved when no one was able to make it live. I thought about turning the camera off and moving on with my sorrow but decided instead to offer a practice around making space for sadness as I was making space for my own sadness in real time.

I won’t lie - it kinda sucked and I had to give myself a lot of space and grace (knowing I could edit later 😉) but I’m glad I did it because it reminded me how loving an act it is for us to make space for how we truly feel. (I’ve added the practice to the Soul-Centered Free Membership Space - set aside 30 minutes and make space for sadness or whatever else you are feeling).

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You would think that feeling our emotions would be as straightforward as breathing but for many of us, that is simply not the case.

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We’ve been taught that there’s a hierarchy of emotions; that it’s “good” to feel some ways - happy, content, joyful, love, blessed, grateful, etc - and “bad” to feel other ways - sad, angry, frustrated, irate, confused, lost, overwhelmed, etc - and potentially troublesome to feel too much of anything - too much of a “good” thing can be as scary (or scarier) than too much of a “bad” one.

Layer in the fact that many of us have also come to conflate the experience of the “good” or “bad” emotion with a reflection of who we are as a person - a “good” person feels “good” emotions (at least more than “bad” ones); someone who feels lots of “bad” emotions is a “bad” person - and we are left with a muddled mess of unprocessed emotion, shame and blame.

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​It’s a toxic soup that causes us so much suffering and has us misunderstanding and weaponizing our emotions against ourselves -

we swallow down our sadness and show the world a false smile and a painted-on impression of bliss.

we bite back our anger in favor of pretend pleasantness and socially-acceptable demureness.

we hide our confusion and overwhelm behind a false bravado and the pretense of competence we do not feel.

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Each denial of how we truly feel is a denial of ourselves and a lie we tell the world.

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The most direct way to disrupt this pattern of emotional tail-chasing is to consciously make space for our emotions as we feel them.

And I get that it isn't always practical or practicable - I spent over 20 years in the Marine Corps so I am well acquainted with the reality of being in environments where there is not adequate space for handling big emotions in real time - but it’s a reorientation of our way of being with ourselves that makes a huge difference in how we are able to show up in the world.

When I first set out to rewrite my long-held pattern of “stuff it down! and move on”, I began a practice of making and keeping promises to myself to circle back to the big emotion (and the inevitable well of previously unprocessed emotion that the present moment experience had touched) as soon as possible - like later that day, not “whenever” 🤷‍♀️.

It took a lot of practice and patience with myself but I learned to step out for a moment and let the biggest waves pass; to sit in my car and scream or sing or dance in my seat or sob; to go for a walk or a run or to a fitness class and let it move me so it could move through me (← yoga is very good for this).
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It has taken me years to get to a point where I am in more honest relationship with myself and my emotions. And it is still something I consciously work on all the time - building capacity to be with what is arising within me at any given moment and disrupting the very engrained pattern to look away - as if my emotions are a bear that I dare not look in the eyes for fear they’ll attack.

As cringe-worthy as I find the pattern of stuffing. it. all. down. to be in my present reality, I have to honor that it made sense to my younger self and to be grateful that the earlier version of me had my best interest at heart.

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​So whatever patterns of relating to your emotions you’ve adopted through this lifetime, please remember that they became a pattern because they made sense to your nervous system at some point - the patterns that we carry forward in our lives are adopted to protect us, to help us feel safe in an uncertain world, to maintain a sense of connection to the people, places and environments we find ourselves in.

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When we free ourselves of shame and blame and judgement, we make space for new, more honest experiences of our emotional selves.

Making space for our emotions - all of them - is an act of self-love and helps us (re)build a sense of trust with ourselves. It also allows us to be more open and compassionate when we find ourselves face-to-face with the big emotions of someone else - when the sadness in me honors the sadness in you without having to be triggered by it, we are both freer to be a fuller and more honest expression of our truest selves - with ourselves, with one another and in the world.

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Sending you Love,

Tawnia

PS: “Making Space for Sadness” has been added to the Soul-Centered Free Membership Space. If you know someone who could use a little support with allowing space for their big emotions, please share it with them. (If that someone is you - I see you friend and am wrapping you in healing energy).

Here's what I'm up to:

🪷 Enrollment is open for Return to You: a women's wisdom circle of self-discovery & love: I am collaborating with my dear friend (who is also a certified Ayurveda Health Counselor and experienced yoga teacher) Kristina Parks to share the teachings and practices that support us in staying calm, connected, open and curious through all that happens as life unfolds before us and for us. We would love for you to join us so you can travel the next 6 months of your life journey richly accompanied, wisely guided and warmly held. LEARN MORE HERE​

꩜ Take aligned action with some serious support behind you - me! : that's right, you do not have to figure it all out by yourself; you are worthy of honest and loving guidance and I am here to give you that and so much more. When you work with me 1:1, you gain a conscious co-conspirator who believes in you even when you are struggling to believe in yourself; who sees the magnificence in you even when it is obscured from your view and who offers you honest and loving guidance that helps you regain trust and confidence in your own inner wisdom and the honest and loving guidance that emerges from within. When amazing souls like you work with me regularly, their perspective shifts, their view expands and their nervous system settles - they feel safer with themselves, calmer in their lives and more compassionate and loving with themselves and others. Schedule a free 30-minute Connection Call and let's talk about what's possible when we work together.​

🖼️ Portal of Love Art Series: I am getting back to my creative roots with a new line of handmade jewelry and talismans centered around creating a more loving relationship with ourselves, one another and all of life. Each piece in the series includes an intuitive message - they are each so special; I love them. The first few pieces are mostly earrings. Head over to these posts on Instagram - first set of images and second set of images - to see what's available or send me an email.

🎁 Have a gift-giving occasion coming up this season? You can give soulfully! give someone you love the gift of my undivided attention and intuitive insights with a Soul Deep Session or 3- or 6-month spiritual mentoring package. When you purchase from the Soulful Gifting page, you can schedule a custom email message to be delivered on the date of your choice. 👀 And keep an eye on your inbox for an announcement about a special art series that will be available soon.

🖋 Shi(f)t Happens: musings on the spiritual journey of life: I started a new daily (more or less) public practice this week and you are invited to join me - I'm sharing more of what I'm wondering about, inspired by and turning over in my heart and mind. If you enjoy what I share here in this Soul-Centered Email Series, then you're going LOVE what I share over there - a little less polished, a little more frank and a lot more "me". CHECK IT OUT; IT'S FREE TO SUBSCRIBE

🧘‍♀️ Drop-in to a virtual yoga class this month: that's right - anyone can drop-in to each month's Moving Meditation and Restorative Yoga classes for just $15 with a single class pass; check the calendar for dates and times.

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Useful Links:

Visit the Virtual Healing Arts Studio​

Access the Soul-Centered Free Membership Playlists​

Check out the Calendar of Events​
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